I murdered the dance floor call the cops
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
