Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
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I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
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my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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