I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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