:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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