Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
