They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.