2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.