first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
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