i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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