Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
