You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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