five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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