Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
