Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Randomize
