For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
