That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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