i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
