Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
