I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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