u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
