Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize