i need an iv and a liver transplant
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
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