if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog