You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.