Non-Jews are for practice
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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