Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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