i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
two words...techno handjob
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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