i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
