phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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