At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
