Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
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the room spins SO much faster in panama
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
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I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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