Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
