finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
