What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
