So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
