My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
