I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
