I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
