Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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