i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
