We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
