I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
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just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
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A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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