can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
