guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
