Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Your cock deserves a montage
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
