i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
