At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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