C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize