I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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