i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
