I CAN MOONWALK!
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Shitshow foam night was such a success
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
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