D3 body, D1 cock
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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