uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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