I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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