Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
