You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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