u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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