Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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