I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
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No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
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there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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