we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize