my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
